...why you don't fuck with my parking spot.

No, I won't pop a cap in yo' ass...but I will get even.

(editor's note: There seems to be some understandable confusion. By "my" spot, I mean the one I dug out and put milk crates in. After five years of city living and over 40" of snow in a five day span, I finally succumbed to the "tradition" of "reserving" a parking spot. I'm writing about the people who didn't observe said "tradition" and moved the crates out of the spot to park there.)

These people are going to come out tomorrow thinking they have a nice, clean spot to just pull right out of. WRONG FUCKERS!

These people are going to come out and have a lot less snow to shovel! Notice how I spent extra attention on blocking in the front tires.

I decided, when I got home and saw that a nice, clean VW was in the spot I so carefully and arduously spent over an HOUR digging out of this morning, and I saw my crates moved out of said spot and onto the snow bank next to it, that the owners of that car were a special kind of asshole and they would pay.

Now, if I'd listened to my mother, to enact my revenge I would have let the air out of their tires. (Apparently, this is her M.O. used against an ex's new g/f that parked in front of her house - that's my girl.)  Effective, yes, but it wouldn't drive home my point - which is...if you didn't earn the spot, and the objects in the spot aren't yours, FIND ANOTHER SPOT YOU LAZY JACKHOLE.


UPDATE:  The lazy jackhole/fucker/special asshole was not in the spot when I went to work this morning. However, I am pleased to report that he/she/they had to dig themselves out. Again. So I'm imagining their morning went something like this:

Asshole #1: "Do do do doo...la la la...oh how nice it will be to get into our car this morning without shoveling again."
Asshole #2: "Yes, I will enjoy the labors of that person who thought that milk crates would keep US out of a nicely shoveled parking spot."
Asshole #1: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Can you imagine the look on their face when they went to - WHAT THE FUCK?? WHY IS OUR CAR SNOWED IN??"
Asshole #2: "WHAT?! But when we stole that spot last night, it was so snow-free!"
Asshole #1: "The karma elves must have come overnight to punish us for our selfish and ingnorant behavior."
Asshole #2: "The snow is not enough. We should shovel out the elderly and then impale ourselves on the ends of our shovels."
The End.
I say there are two assholes because the car looked suspiciously like the one across from me yesterday morning that two yupsters were digging out. And obviously, I took creative license with the end of that dialog. They clearly would not have the self-awareness or courtesy to realize the extent of their douchiness.

Also, while I almost put my crates back in MY spot...I thought it might start a vicious passive-aggressive crate-removing-snow-shoveling war. And really, I just don't have the time or energy for that.

...delivery fail.

I moved into a house with the world’s narrowest stairway leading to my basement. It has already caused me to send one, wonderfully option-filled LG washer and dryer set back. As a result, my dad measured the stairway and I went on my merry way to find a front-loading washer that would fit and wash more than two socks and a t-shirt. I thought I found them until the delivery guys showed up.

Delivery guy (after getting the dryer downstairs): “I don’t think [the washer’s] going to fit.”

Me: “Are you kidding me!? Mother ‘ucker.” (Yes, I said “ ‘ucker” – that’s what happens with my shi- gets ‘ucked with.)

I promptly call my mother. (Shocker.)

Mom: Hello?

Me: I’m going to fucking kill him.

Mom: Who? The delivery guy?

Me: No, my father.

Mom: Why? What happened?

Me: The washer doesn’t fit down the fucking stairs. It’s wider than 24.5”.

Mom: You’re kidding me.

At this point I had to hang up and deal with the delivery men, who suggested that I'd have to remove the drywall in the stairwell. They ultimately left the washing maching in my dining room. Right in the middle of everything.

Note – I would never wish any harm to father. Hell, we argue over who will carry my bags because I don't want him to exert himself.  I may be a bitch, but I'm no Lizzie Borden.

Cut to two days later when my father and I are trying to figure out how to get the washer in the basement, where it belonged.

Dad: Which way did they take the dryer down? Front first? Or side first?

Me: Umm…I think side first, but I’m not sure. Why?

Dad: Because the washer is only 23 ½” wide, so is the dryer …and the stairway is wider than that. They took it down the wrong way, no wonder they had trouble.

Lazy, lying delivery fuckers! I want my tip back.

In the end, my Dad and I got the washer down to the basement with minimal destruction to any property and I got my front-loading washer hooked up. Once again, Dad comes through.

What did I learn? Delivery men are liars and take advantage of single women.

...the Septa strike.

Way to go Philly. This morning at 3 am, the Septa union went on strike. I won’t get into how I feel about unions in general; I’ll just stick to this particular incident.
This is what I have to say in response to Septa – WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!

Okay, granted, you have been working without a contract since March.

And granted, you could have gone on strike on Saturday, leaving tens of thousands of World Series fans in the lurch. And you didn’t. So there’s that. But let’s face it – who the hell wants to take the chance of pissing off 50 thousand Phillies fans?? Only certifiably insane people would to that – a full on riot would have ensued.

But to go on strike at 3 am? On a Tuesday? Really? Hell, there were even Septa workers who showed up to work and didn’t know they were on strike.

Some of the details (for those not wanting to click and read the article:

“According to TWU officials, SEPTA management has proposed no wage increase for the first two years of a four-year contract and a 2 percent increase in each of the final two years. It also wanted to increase worker contributions to health coverage from 1 percent to 4 percent and freeze the level of pension benefits.

The union wants a 4 percent raise each year and health contributions to remain 1 percent. It is also seeking an increase in pension contributions from $75 to $100 for every year of service.”

I think it’s irresponsible, and rude, for anyone to strike during this economy. They should be thankful to have a job. I personally have known at least three people who have been laid off this year, and others who are very concerned about their jobs. And anyone who complains about a contract that doesn’t include wage increases next year? I’d like to have a word with you. My company cut raises this year, including the Cost of Living Increase. Hell, my 401K match was cut in half, and tuition reimbursement was cut altogether (which, in an industry that likes people to have MBAs to be competitive, is a big deal). Am I complaining? Well, yes, but I am still happy to have a job.

"Think about that," Rendell said. "Whose pension has been increased in this day and age?" Thank you Ed.

Let’s not forget about the hundreds of thousands of people who are affected by this – people without cars who can’t get to work, kids who have to go to school tomorrow, girls who moved to South Philly and still want to shop in Center City?? (Okay, that last one is really selfish, but the first two are totally legitimate.)

And to keep the selfish tide rolling – the traffic this morning was nuts. There were cops directing traffic all throughout Center City this morning and not one single traffic light was out – there was just massive congestion as people had to take to their cars en masse.

I get that unions exist to make sure that people just trying to feed themselves/their families aren’t taken advantage of, and I really tried to be open minded about the Septa workers “requests,” but I think they’re just taking advantage of their position. Shut it. Get your ass back to work so everyone else can go to work.

… why I hate people.

My “inaugural” post…aaaand I spew haterade over inconsiderate bitches.

Picture it…Philadelphia, a few days ago. I post an ad on CraigsList (the one in Philadelphia) to get rid of some furniture that I absolutely don’t want to have to move to my new house. I need to have it out by that Saturday by noon. The ad says:

Desk & file/printer stand - $50 (Washington Sq. West) -- my exact neighborhood
 

I know that CraigsList is a total crapshoot. Still.

I get a couple of replies and the first one seems fairly sane, so we narrow down a day for the exchange.

Her (Tuesday): Friday works perfect for me. If it is alright, can we just plan on that? Maybe about 4-5 range? I can either call for directions or I can look up address on gps.

Me (Tuesday): Sounds good - the address is 9XX Lombard St. #102.

Me (Friday @ 11:25 am):
hi K------,
Just confirming pick up for this afternoon - do you want to make it 4:30?
thanks,
k-----

Her: Between 4:30 closer to 5:00 ok? I am not sure if you gave me the address and maybe I just accidently deleted it, but i do not have it. Let me know if cloer to 5:00 is ok. Thanks!

(Yes, yes I did give you the address you twit, maybe you should be more careful with the Delete key.)

Me (at 2:46pm): Closer to 5 is fine.

It's 9XX Lombard St. #102 (if the buzzer isn't working, try knocking on the large window to the left of the front doors)

Her (at 4:11): I'm soery to bother again, what is city and zip? We are out and about now but I get my emails on cell. Thanks!

(Um….PHILADELPHIA. Google what I provided already. It will help. Trust me.)

Me (at 5pm…after sitting in an empty apartment for 25 minutes): Sorry just got this - zip is 1914X its s block north of South St call 215 8xx 5xxx if u have questions

Me again at 5:45 after not hearing anything: Hi - just wondering if you're still interested. I don't actually live @ this address anymore & i'll need to get back home to work if u arent interested. thanks,k.

(Egregious typos abound. I was emailing from my non-PDA phone for the last two. Don't know what her excuse was.)

No reply whatsoever. Ever. 
So much for her phone being able to receive email. Thanks!

I had to disassemble the desk and move it to my house, where it is now taking up space in my living room.